Classic LUE

1. Some Funny/Embarassing Wang/Sex Related Posts from Classic LUE

Hyena 20 8 hours ago#1 Yeah, you knew it was coming. Unlike my "wang mishaps" threads from WOT and LUE, the non-sexual mishaps will be limited to really embarrassing stuff. Earlier today, I had stolen my sister's CD player. She just found out and she told me to give it back. She had asked at the wrong time, because I had been watching t3h pr0n and had a boner. I went to her room and gave it back to her. I said "I didn't want that piece of s*** anyway." She slammed the door on my wang and now I'm sitting here with an ice pack on it looking like an idiot. Any suggestions on getting back at her?~~EvilPolice And why were you walking naked into your sisters room with a b0nar?~~S0nicfan I had underwear on, but it was sticking out.~~EvilPolice For 5 bucks back in grade 10, my friend dared me to rub on Vick's Vapo rub on my balls in Math class.... god that was horrible.~~Melovesmeme I put Icyhot on as a dare with a mate once - I knew it would hurt but noone on LUE made it vivid enough to stop me. The worst thing is after the intense pain goes away, it is still really sore for some reason. :'(~~Assasin So...I superglued part of my wang to my boxers...(OFFENSIVE)  Today, I used an electric razor to shave my sideburns. I was amazed how the razor didn't cut up my skin. I came to a conclusion: I will shave my wang with an electric razor. Well, at first, it was fine. However, I didn't factor in the possibility of my sack getting scraped (since sacks have folds that can get underneath the razor, whereas my face didn't). I scraped the top part of my sack and let out a hearty scream. It wasn't as painful as the portion that as had scraped, though, I noticed a small pI initially though, so no worries. I decided to finish up the job with a regular razor. Being very careful, I shaved the last area and was pretty satisfied. As soon as I turned to the part I scraped, I saw a puddle of blood. I took a cotton ball and wet it with alcohol. I was ready for the pain. Again, I let out a scream. I opened the cabinet to find the liquid band-aid thing, but it was all gone. I resorted to using superglue. My brother had raved numerous times about how superglue does just as good a job as liquid band aid. I place a drop on my scrape and used a cotton swab to spread the glue around. It took longer to dry than I expected, so I just started to brush my teeth. I had forgotten about the glue, so I just pulled up my pants and walked out of the bathroom. Suddenly, I felt this kind of tugging on my wang as I walked. I remembered that I had used superglue to seal the wound. So now, here I am, shaven with my wang stuck to my boxers. I've tried peeling my wang off of it, but so far it's only been hurting. Help me. I don't think the ER is necessary YET. I was thinking about taking a shower and hoping that the glue crusts off. I've accidentally superglued my finger to my shirt before during a project. It took a while, but it was pretty easy to pull off.~~Chugonomics Just rip it off like a bandaid dude, one quick motion.~~Slymshady Hera is like the Greco-Roman pantheon version of Hillary Clinton. [Independent Centrist] [Boycott EA] stickyreportquote

Hyena 20   (Topic Creator)8 hours ago#2 My friend, who is 14, ordered a pron DVD off the internet (with his own credit card). When it arrived he and I were at a party so he couldn't pick it up, needless to say his mother found it and opened it. She thought her son was completely innocent. He is now grounded until he can get over his "obsession" for porn. Oh man I laughed when I heard it.~~Morrowindfan2 Heh, I peed in this other guy's urinal while he was still usin' it.  He was like, "WTF" and I saw he had a boner :-\~~Potty Time What is the dumbest thing you've ever fapped to?  Mine would be a TV Dinner box. It was kind of odd. You could see about half of some girl's face, but she looked hot.~~SonodLudacris01 A picture of a blueberry. The dumb part is I told people about it.~~rb103 I had a friend that masturbated to the word "prostitute" in the Bible.~~BobtheCowV The picture of a purse. Seriously, it was just a picture, of a purse. Nothing else in the picture, just a purse.~~CO Max ...Kuja~~Halifax I once fapped to a conversation with a friend of mine, while we were talking. We were talking about Revenant, an Eidos game.~~Zeroflowne I sometimes fap while I'm just watching tv, flipping through the channels. I've fapped to the news, cooking shows, sports, history channel, everything.~~EpicofMan hearing my parents make love in the room above me.~~PoppaSmurf A picture of my own erect wang~~LinkinMario Everything One time I fapped in English class to Julius Caesar (the BBC movie) I was so bored, and so I wanted to see if I could do it without getting caught. I tried to only fap when female characters were on the screen, but I think I ended up blowing during a scene where Brutus was speaking.~~SonofLudacris01 One time I drew a naked girl in Mario Paint, and animated a wang going inside her. And yes, I did fap.~~MrWeirdGuy I was home alone, fapping, and was trying to come up with ways to make it feel better. My mom had left a Snapple bottle on the counter, so I thought, "hmmm, that might feel good". I let myself get soft, squeezed it in, and then looked at some pr0n to get hard again. It felt good while still semi-soft, but once it got rock hard, it HURT. I felt like it was getting squeezed off, it hurt so bad. And it would NOT go down. The neck of the bottle had squeezed off the circulation. I posted a topic here asking for help, but of course I just got the normal Luesness. I ended up having to dial 911, told the operator I had an emergency of a personal nature (it was a chick, and I was too embarrassed to tell her the truth) and she sent over an ambulance. The paramedics raced up with lights and siren blaring, woke up the entire neighborhood. Everyone comes racing out to see what happened. I had to let the paramedics in, I had a towel over my "problem", but as the door opened, it caught on the towel and knocked it off, baring my predicament to the entire neighborhood. The paramedics were pretty decent, I could tell they wanted to laugh, but they were able to hold it in in my presence. One of them (the female, and I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassing that was) ran out to the ambulance to get some glass cutters, which they used to VERY carefully remove the bottle. I ended up with a few minor cuts, but was otherwise fine. At least until my mom came home and heard about it (had to explain why there was going to be a bill coming to the house) She stared at me with huge eyes and mouth gaping through the whole story, then sat down and started LHAO until tears were rolling down her face. She was literally rolling on the floor over it. I ended up walking out of the room and locking myself in my bedroom with music blaring to get away from her.~~QBall Hera is like the Greco-Roman pantheon version of Hillary Clinton. [Independent Centrist] [Boycott EA] reportquote

Hyena 20   (Topic Creator)7 hours ago#3 I actually know a gay guy who had his birthday cake frosted with different astroglide flavors.~~Aclemfaal This Brings Me Back to When I First Joined WoT (BBT Topics Topic) (dead imageshack link)~~Battourye Gay porn?~~LenneansShuyin4ever No, thats not gay porn. Thats a screenshot of WoT with many a BBT topic.~~Battourye One of your tabs has a search on gay porn.~~LenneandShuyin4ever uh lenne it's pretty obvious the whole thing was to grab your attention and get laughs the furry site, the gay porn search tab, the "head o state" toy tab, etc~~MadcowVII Rofl. That is one epic screenshot.~~Tanon Ummm how do I delete that? Can anyone on this webzone tell me how to delete that? I'll give you a pizza roll.~~Battourye Note: Head-O-State is an Obama-shaped sex toy. Just so you know. When I was browsing my dad's porn (hey, he has lots of quality stuff) I saw a picture of an erect wang with a little red devil smurf clinging to it. Needless to say I started worrying that my dad might be gay or something when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was the same friggin' devil smurf. I never browsed his porn again.~~Kuro Ky best one of all: I was in my room at my computer watching hentai after school when the doorbell rings. I minimize the video and go to answer the door. Turns out it was my girlfriend which is a rare surprise because she always calls before coming over. She says that we haven't talked to each other in a long time. Ya know, the thing girls say all the time even though we talked to each other at school today. I let her in the house and we go up to my room. I was alone before she came inside and she even asked me if I was.  So they we are, the two of us in my room and by ourselves in the house. We talk about stuff for a good 15 minutes even though I don't want to. But by the end of our conversation, she starts cuddling alongside me and starts lightly kissing me. At this point, I knew where this was going and I was getting excited. I tell her to wait for one second while I prepare myself in the washroom.  I'm in there for like 2 minutes and when I come back out, I see her sitting in my chair in front of the comp and I'm thinking, "OH s***!!!" I look at the screen and you guessed it, nekkid anime girls getting f***ed (heh right where I left it too.) She then turns to me with this strange look on her face and says something like, "You like watching naked cartoon girls?" Being at a complete loss for words I ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "Well actually it's called anime not cartoons." At this point, she storms out of the room pushes me aside, goes into the next room and shuts the door. I quickly shut off the computer just to get the hentai out of sight (not that it really mattered anymore). I just sat on my bed waiting for her to come out. I didn't want to say anything because there wasn't much I could say. I didn't want to make things worse by opening my mouth. About 5 minutes later she opens the door to the room she was in and I was relieved that she was finally coming out. She steps into my room and takes her shirt off. To my surprise, she had drawn stuff all over her boobs and was kind of shoving them in my face saying, "There do you like these boobies now? There's drawings on them. You like that right?" At this point, I'm getting really embarrassed and I'm telling her to put her shirt on so we can sit down and I could explain it to her. She did put on her shirt but then she stormed out of the room again with her stuff. I pleaded with her to just stay but she told me to "continue my dirty deeds and go to hell." She found her way to the door without my help, needless to say.~~Orochi Norimaro Hera is like the Greco-Roman pantheon version of Hillary Clinton. [Independent Centrist] [Boycott EA] reportquote

Hyena 20   (Topic Creator)4 hours ago#4 Oh, some of those were also from WOT. Forgot two, though. I remember when I was younger I'd feel that way after beating the s*** out of my stuffed animals or doing something especially sadistic to them. There were frequently BDSM overtones to this as I can remember hand cuffing a stuffed Barney I had and locking him in a closet and deriving sexual pleasure from it.~~Tuffguy34 wtf?~~Aclemfaal Seriously. wtf?~~D0Omsday You never got an erection after beating the crap out of something or doing some other sadistic act? I didn't really think it was rare since Robert Cormier references it frequently in his book 'The Chocolate War'.~~Tuffguy34 ""Pretty much my whole day yesterday was ruined by this."" Same thing happened to me when I realized that the anus is much hungrier than a typical vagina and had to bust a blood vessel or two getting a pocket rocket out. I now know why buttplugs have flared ends (spoilers: it's not a handle).~~Tuffguy34 I also found this: I also feel certain that any CoD: Black Ops slash/yaoi fanfic would involve copious use of the phrase "MASON! NOOOOO!"~~Psynyde/Zombie Nixon Hera is like the Greco-Roman pantheon version of Hillary Clinton. [Independent Centrist] [Boycott EA]

people trashing 'all self-help' books as a meme.

What is the alternative? 'other help books?'
Or 'a getting people to help you for nothing' book?
A 'don't help yourself' book? 'how to be a fucking NEET?' 'Poor Dad, Poorer Dad'? 'How to be Socially Awkward and Claim Welfare?' 'The Welfare Slowlane?' 'How To Make $20 a month?' 'you're not OK'? 'Awaken the Lazy Faggot Within?' 'The Power of Negative Thinking?' 'How To Make Excuses & Feel Sorry For Yourself?' 

I get some of the criticisms, I get that selling feelgood stuff is an industry, that some is contradictory, that some make a career out of it, etc but so what? 

Professors make a career out of repeating the same shit for decades until a new textbook becomes the gospel of that subject (which is outdated by the time of is published, and even more so by the time students graduate) 

Musicians play the same back cataloged for years, moat fans don't even want the new shit at concerts, they want the stuff they know they like. 

Nobody says that about philosophy in the same tone, even though philosophy is largely theories, lessons learned, thought experiments, etc that is largely non-actionable. 

'it's the same old stuff recycled, etc'
All of Shakespeare looks like the same old shit, and he still sells books, people still watch the plays and movies or remake them, etc - nobody complains. I know it's literature but still. 
Hamlet is just words in a certain order. 

In every form of art, people pay to see somebody give the same or similar lecture, song, concert, talk, story, symphony, etc

Not everybody is confident or comfortable with themselves, therapy takes time and/or money, I have read many books on self-help and still do, and took a lot away from them.

A textbook may tell you the how, but not the WHY. And it is the WHY that drives us

And another thing, many books are hard to define and, yes, borrow, ideas from several subjects or disciplines, which means a lot of books could be viewed as self-help, but also some books get lumped in with that negative view - 'oh, it's another self-help book = disregard' but that does not mean they should be discounted.
Also, it can be a video, speech, presentation, audiobook, etc - some listen better than read.

Some can teach you a little on philosophy, a little on psychology, business, marketing, self-awareness, body language, social dynamics, etc

Just because it is not some subject you can major in at Harvard, doesn't mean it is useless. You can't major in nutrition there either, but it's a helpful subject. 

But the self-fulfilling prophecy of thinking you are dumb, uninformed, uncreative, lazy, ugly, you are helpless, it's somebody else's fault, whatever literally does lower your intelligence and helps nobody.

Psychologists unanimously agree that even anger, typically viewed as a negative emotion, is still more useful than despair, which achieves zero results, every single time.
Anger, correctly channeled, can achieve things.
If you are angry about, say, pollution, you're more likely to get things done about it, than someone who doesn’t see the problem, doesn’t care, or thinks the situation is hopeless, they can't help the situation or benefit themselves and/or others, etc

I realized self-sabotage is a negative trait I have, potentially a by-product of my diagnosed ADHD.
I don't take medication for it and never have, I coach myself and installed my PA as a coach.

This method was from a self-help book on ADHD. Authored by someone who suffered from it and interviewed high-functioning ADHD sufferers - CEO's etc and looked at methods they used to manage themselves.
I am way more successful because of info and methods like these.

I worked with a guy who was tall, good-looking, fit, smart, funny, stylish, etc and this was partly genetics and maybe luck, I dunno. The guy just seemed like a winner.

Funny thing was, while he was pretty good at putting on a front of confidence, without being a dick, he was very, very insecure, despite many qualifications, lots of pussy, etc. I actually thought I was insecure until I realized, via self-help, I was way more confident than him.

Turns out, while he is not 'stupid', he was capable of incredible stupidity, he had poor impulse control, would overcompensate, and is very disorganized. He was fired within a month. 

It is incredible how you can multiply things like focus, confidence and clearer thinking, and build on them, and how even a slight perceptual shift.

If you reply to this, and you claim I am deluded, then your assert that YOUR perception is reality.

If you agree then, that perception is reality, do you not also agree that perceptions can change, and so can be controlled?

So why not...deliberately CHOOSE to perceive - opportunity everywhere, for instance?

Why not consciously choose to perceive yourself acting like a boss, making money, being happy/content/successful, etc?

Which comes first? Doing it? Or visualizing it? When you go for your first job interview, and you are shown around, your pay is discussed, etc 
the only reason you show up if offered the job, is because you visualized (perhaps unconsciously) yourself successfully making sales, flipping burgers, or whatever, and making some cash. 

Before you even apply for a college course in, say, STEM, you imagined yourself in a lab in a white coat, your name in scientific journals, maybe some patents or a cushy side job on an advisory board or scientific panel.

You didn't visualize getting shit from your boss, or having no funding for research. It's a potential reality, but there is no gain from worrying about it, only learning methods for dealing with a potential setback.

I'll take books from entrepreneurs who hustled from nothing, not politicians and generals and academics.
I'll cut and paste a page of quotes maybe.
Statistics, economics, and mathematics are academic too -
Here's a statistics/economics joke -

Q - What happens when Bill Gates walks into a room full of fifty people?
A - The average net worth of everybody in the room goes up by over a billion dollars!

How does that help me? 
It doesn’t, I'd rather read a book from a Millionaire, deca-millionaire, or billionaire, hell, even a guy making a relatively $1K a month doing very little, if I can learn something from it.
I only need one nugget of information, knowledge or a mindset tool to leverage it and compound it, since I have systems in place.

>only books from an accepted epistemology are acceptable 
You wouldn't agree that this mindset, in itself, could be considered a 'pleb' mindset?
>no knowledge is useful unless peer-reviewed and approved by hierarchical systems
Really? Consider that most MBA professors teach business without ever having created a startup or even a profitable side hustle.

Would I rather listen to someone with letters after their name, who never left the school system, or someone who hustled despite lack of qualifications or an intellectual mindset?

It upsets many academics that a lot of people are successful without being smart or being self-aware of their own strengths or weaknesses, many succeed despite disadvantages, so why wouldn't a small advantage of a certain perception or developing certain habits, Learning to play to strengths, etc pay off?
It can, and it does.

I don’t think Howard Stern or Michael Flatley could explain economics, or investment principles, but both are rich.
One from dick jokes, one from Irish dancing.
There are countless examples of this.

There's a lesson there, but it's not discussed in academia, whereas it is in self-help 'type' books.

Joel Greenblatt?
>my info marketer is better than yours

>Try reading something
I read an average of 5-7 books a week, depending how busy I am.
80% is actionable advice from people who've been there and done that.
>theorists, academics, intellectuals
You excluded many fields and sub-fields within subjects, if somebody with no qualifications achieves a level of success, their success at that venture is what qualifies them, in spite of their intelligence or intellectual level. A biologist is not an expert in SEO or the elements of a well-designed website, for instance.
Expertise is domain specific. 

I read a lot of psychology, that's a scientific field, but that was being studied long before here was an established epistemology or framework. 

A Buddhist monk 1,000 years ago did not have a scientific journal or university to accredit his teachings, does that mean I should disregard him, or listen, if his work is commended?

I don't know much about Lao Tzu, or what qualifies him, but I know what I like and I like his work. 
And he if he had a profitable side business making incense, or alcohol, as many abbeys and monasteries do, I'd want that info too.

Look have you read any Foucault? He wrote about this problem with epistemology of subjects and fields often.

I don’t know Machiavelli's earnings, his profit statements, his balance sheet, so, as an entrepreneur, it's of interest, but less so.

Do I want to kiss ass and play mind games with politicians?
No.

Yes, The Prince was a good book, but I have read ebooks for -$10 written over a month by some yahoo who makes $500 a month doing something relatively easy, which has added thousands in profit because I know how to leverage that.
>dick jokes and Irish dancing are discussed in academia
No citation given?

I don't know what you mean about my mindset. My earnings increase every time I read a couple books, what's your ROI on mental masturbation with PhDs?
>keep me poor.
Nice way to jump to false conclusions.