John 2

You know what the fuck you're looking at?

That's right: a NAIA National Wrestling Champion, and two-time NJCAA All-American in amateur wrestling. I was undefeated in college with a record of 85-0. Not only that but I hold a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and Sambo. I currently compete in mixed martial arts, and will most likely be competing in the big leagues (UFC) if I maintain my success.

They're already calling me the next Brock Lesnar.

With my 6'4 and 280 lbs frame, not to mention my sheer brute force and amazing agility normally associated with men half my size, I have no doubt in my mind that if any of you pencil-necked faggots faced me one-on-one, you would be on the ground before you fucking knew it.

Hey Arnold! SJW Recap

Out of all the kids on Hey Arnold!, Wolfgang probably grew up most successfully. He's white, tall, and confident. He's of course probably held back by the fact that he's growing up in a poor neighborhood like the rest of the kids, but he's definitely the most likely to escape poverty. Why?

Because he isn't a a manlet for starters. For a young man to have the physique of Don Jardine or Jerry Rice is very impressive and puts him leaps and bounds ahead of the other kids.