Saga (not the band)

So my department manager is out of town this week for Thanksgiving, and while she was gone she asked me to conduct a job interview that she had scheduled. I normally hate doing job interviews, for a variety of reasons, but I didn't really think this one would blow up the way it did.

For the most part, I figured it would be a quick interview. The applicant (let's call her Jane) wasn't really qualified, so there was really more of a "leave no stone unturned" attitude about having her come in in the first place; we operate out of a rural area, so our talent pool is a little on the limited side. She was interviewing for a somewhat technical position, and our job description made the competencies and skills required quite clear.

The interview was scheduled for 10:30 am. By 10:45, there was still no sign of Jane anywhere. Personally, I'm pretty much at "nope" when someone is just 5-10 minutes late, especially for a first interview...but life happens, so I'll usually hear someone out.

Jane finally shows up at damn near 11 on the dot. 30 minutes late. I walk out to our lobby to greet her, and as soon as she sees me, she just goes...blank. Like she just shut down, or something. As we're walking back to my office, I casually ask if she ran in to traffic or something. She gives a firm no and then mumbles something like "you wouldn't understand why I'm late." Which, in the moment, struck me as one of the oddest things I've ever heard someone say during a job interview.

At this point, I'm pretty resigned to this being an awkward hour. It happens, where we're located. People shotgun their applications/resumes out to every business possible, trying to find whatever sticks, and we get some applicants who would have a hard time getting a job, period. I had no idea how much worse it was actually going to get.

I begin going through the motions of the interview. It quickly becomes clear that Jane is disinterested, and doesn't seem to want to be there. My first thought was she was being made to get a job by her family or something, and really didn't care what happened. After a couple minutes of her staring at the ground and giving me one-word answers, I just cut straight to it...I said "Jane, I can't help but be curious as to why you're here right now, when it seems like you have no interest in this interview or position."

That's when she hit me with it..."I want the job, but I just can't hide my disgust that I have yet another interview with a white male, and that my ability to earn a living is dependent upon kissing ass to someone who contributes to oppressing and triggering me every single day."

Was not expecting that. I sat there, kind of shellshocked, and was speechless for a second. I started to talk, and was going to explain that I wasn't really sure where she got that impression of me, but before I could really begin, she kept going. "Don't even try to deny it. You're so blind to your privilege that you likely can't even see how your very existence is offensive to people like me."

At this point, I don't really even know what to say. Part of me just can't believe what's happening...but the other part of me was starting to get angry. I tried to just stay the course, so I began to apologize, which I guess is exactly what she wanted? Because as soon as the word "apologize" came out of my mouth, she just went OFF. She starts accusing me of all manner of being just the worst person on earth. Like literally yelling to the point where people in adjacent offices could hear her.

I'd had enough. This was my first real-life encounter with someone like this, and for some reason, every cognitive function in my brain that keeps me from doing something stupid just turned off...I just began to unload.

"Look, I'm really sorry that you feel like you have no control over your life. I imagine that, somewhere along the line, you discovered that it would be easier to blame everyone else for why your life sucks rather than take responsibility for it like most folks have to do. That sucks for you, because that's not how the world works, and life is only going to get harder until you figure that out. If you want to sit there and think that you're not getting this job because I'm some straight, white, male overlord, be my guest. But I'll spell it out for you...you were likely never getting this job because you're not qualified. Can you explain to me how your decision to spend the last two decades of your life learning nothing but how to blame other people and complain is my problem? Can you point to a time in your life where your shitty attitude towards people you don't even know has gotten you what you think you want? Because I can only imagine that you're either new at this, or otherwise must be incredibly stupid to think that some sort of blunt force approach to treating other people this way is going to get you anywhere."

Eventually, I just kind of trickled off...the look that crept onto her face indicated that she was pretty horrified, and hurt. But then, she kind of steeled herself, looked at me, and said "Great. You'll be hearing from the EEOC about this soon."

I feel like a real piece of shit. Most of what I said probably was not fair, and it certainly lacked any resemblance of professionalism. I don't ordinarily lose my temper, but something about being accused that way just got my blood boiling. That feeling when you're talking to someone with such a confirmation bias that they wouldn't believe something was happening even if it was right in front of their face is, for me, just one of the most frustrating things in the world.