==PROJECT HARPOON: PHASE II==
(A Proposition/Manifesto)
>TL;DR: A plan to transform this from an extended prank to a goldmine of lulz: a full-scale movement.
We've done it again. Our glorious faggotry has gotten us close to coming up with the kind of shitstorm that can produce a metric fuckton of keks. But come on guys, this isn't working. Not yet.
I fucking love this kind of mass trolling, but I feel like the original infographic (pic related) should be changed.
We're doing this because a few tumblrinas photoshopped video game characters to be fat? Fuck, that just makes this whole thing seem really sad. If we keep going by that reasoning, #thInnerbeauty will never stir up any REAL controversy. It might make a few news articles, but will otherwise provoke little more than a rolling of the eyes and a short comment about neckbearded NEETs.
We need to make this a legitimate movement. It has the potential. Focus this on #thinspiration rather than a juvenile reaction to photoshopped vidya characters. If we don't this will burn out quickly – sure, we might rustle a few jimmies, but not nearly as many as we otherwise could. If we can muster back the collective power that brought /b/ its shitlord glory, we might just be able to sabotage the pro-obesity movement once and for all.
WE CAN BLOW THIS UP, YOU FAGGOTS. LET'S DO IT.
(Cont.)
Viral movements are more powerful than ever. #BlackLivesMatter is one of the best examples. One guy's death provoked an unbelievable shitstorm that still hasn't passed. And now we're standing at the cusp of a new gale, holding in our grubby fingers the power to orchestrate the next tempest.
As denizens of this asshole of the internet, we understand this equation well: MORE CONTROVERSY = MORE KEKS. If we can successfully morph this from another petty stunt to a viral phenomenon, the controversy will skyrocket; and with each butthurt normie will come another pair of sides being thrust into orbit.
Now of course, you're wondering – how the fuck are we supposed to take this to the next level? The answer is simple.
>We pit health activists and “fat acceptance” hambeasts against each other.
Normie versus normie, passionately burning in an ultimately vapid blaze birthed right from our wretched loins. Imagine the lulz.
Some people will likely think this to be impossible. After all, “muh genetics” greasegoblins and health nuts have co-existed on the internet for this long. How are we supposed to change that?
With quite a bit of fuckery, that's how.
Look at the guy pictured. You're all familiar with him, and you're equally familiar with why he's making that face. He's dedicated a huge chunk of his life to being healthy and promoting a “healthy” lifestyle. Now he's on national TV, and some lardo is running her mouth against his livelihood, spewing bullshit she doesn't want to understand.
That's the face of inexplicable bafflement and the deepest restraint. He wants to correct her. But he can't. He knows he'll be knee-deep in malnourished shit if he dares inform her of her unhealthiness, and the fact that her weak will is all that's keeping her from changing. And there are a plethora of other people just like him. All we need to do is create a wave of encouragement, convincing them to advocate for their beliefs.
Right now, pro-fatties have the social upper hand. And if we keep going in the same manner as we are now, they might get a little flustered before calming themselves down with an entire box of Oreos. But what if the tides began to turn by something other than their own gravity, and they were forced to live in a world where their addiction became the next hot-topic issue sprawled across the internet?
If executed correctly, we'll get 4chan out of the spotlight, and instead have these two polar-opposite factions argue over which is better – the cold truth of scientifically-proven facts or coddling the diseased egos of proud hambeasts. Get the two sides to start duking it out while we sit back and watch the world burn. It'd be just like starting a surprise conference call with two people that hate each other, then putting yourself on mute while you listen to them confusedly scream at each other. Only on an exponentially greater scale.
Here's my plan so far. Of course, I understand that /b/'s NYPA, so any comments/criticism from you shitlords would be appreciated.
>=STEP I: Building background + resources=
This should be a familiar process for anyone who isn't a complete newfag.
>Create masses of new tumblr accounts
>On half, follow lots of “fat acceptance” and feminist bloggers (If someone could compile a list of people to start with, that'd be great)
>Reblog loads of bullshit, maybe even make a post or two of your own for added authenticity
>With the other half, follow loads of health nut and fitness bloggers
>Follow the same scheme on Facebook. Try to make the profiles look as convincingly authentic as possible.
>=STEP II: A new start=
>Create a new, politically correct, “Buzzfeed appropriate” manifesto/infographic
>Emphasize how we're crusading for healthy living (The Project Harpoon facebook page is a good example of how it should be framed)
>Explain that this “new phase” was born of /fit/, not /b/.
>DO NOT attack fatties. This will give away our intentions.
>=STEP III: The normies catch on=
Hopefully your tumblr accounts have a decent amount of followers by now (follow4follow is pretty popular).
>One account will post the new infographic on tumblr
>Its followers (mostly us) will reblog it.
Write a typical tumblr comment along with it.
A few can mention how this may be the “only good thing 4chan has come up with”. Most should avoid mentioning 4chan.
>=STEP IV: The publicity stunt=
This is where it starts to get a little tricky.
>Write a convincing article(s?) about how Project Harpoon is wrong
>Reference the sudden surge of PH support from fitness buffs on tumblr
Basically, it will go on about how #thInnerbeauty is both morally and scientifically wrong.
The "author" would have to argue that you can be obese and healthy, but would have to do so in a halfway-convincing way.
It would also have to really go into the fact that these hambeasts' feelings are being hurt. Optimally, it would reference some controversial, poorly-validated health studies.
>Submit the article to some popular feminist sites as an editorial
>Make sure to include a seemingly credible background for the “author”
>Pray to the faggot god moot that at least one decent source publishes it
>=STEP V: The fatties fight back=
>On the pro-obesity tumblr pages, post a link to the editorial. Write a few comments about it.
>Reblog it with the other pro-obesity pages.
>Add more comments to the chain.
Complain about 4chan, go on about how obesity is fine and genetics are the problem, the works. Make sure to preserve the air of authenticity.
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>=STEP VI: Kindle the flame, force the meme=
>Continue trying to build up hype. Try creating new hashtags in opposition to PH.
>From the fitness tumblr accounts, post the PH editorial, with arguments against it
>Stage arguments between the tumblr accounts about PH
>Have fatties blame fitness buffs for not taking their feelings into account
>Have fitness buffs call out fatties on their false science and skewed logic
>Post screencaps of the tumblr arguments to various relevant facebook pages
>=STEP VII: The final victory=
If all has gone right and the hype has been appropriately built, actual bloggers should start getting in on the arguments. Eventually, they should start carrying it on by themselves. At this point, we can sit back and watch the boulder roll down the mountain and enjoy our work.
At the end, this could be the newest testament to /b/'s strength. We can do this, fellow shitlords. Let's roll in the most lulz yet.
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