Eurotrash Opinions

Dear Americans,

Britfag here. I was just thinking of how great it is to live in a free, first world country and then I just realised how thankful I am that we have BANNED guns here in the UK. I can't understand why Americans wont turn their guns in and ban them once and for all. No other civilised country has as many gun murders as the United States.

We banned them after Dunblane
Australia banned them after Port Arthur
Why won't America ban them after Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Sandy Hook and now San Bernadino?

How did Sandy Hook not wake anyone up? Americans must have no compassion for the children if they refuse to impose gun control after such a horrific massacre. How can you be so immature that you wont let go of your guns? The wild west is OVER. The reds will never invade and zombies will never be real. Why must thousands of people die each year just so you can have your toys? Why on earth do you need an assault rifle? Clearly not hunting or any other sporting purpose. What kind of person needs a 30 or 100 round clip to hunt deer? Just so you know, when the 2nd Amendment was written, they had MUSKETS and swords in mind. They could have never foreseen the advent of assault weapons. 

Fact: by having a gun in the home, you're more likely to be killed by that firearm rather than actually have to use it to defend yourself.

I'm writing this because I actually care. Please listen to me. Gun crime has been non-existent here in Britain since we banned them. Please, grow up and BAN all guns. If nothing else, do it for the children.

Sincerely, THE REST OF THE WORLD.