Ruined by child support: My one night stand is still costing me

I MET a girl on Facebook in 2010 and we started chatting. I’m in NSW — she’s about 250kms away — I drove to see her one weekend, a couple of months later. 

We went out on the Saturday night. She had keys to a friend’s place, who lived in the city, so we ended up back there.

I’d consumed a lot of alcohol. I actually wish I’d been done for DUI. I know I shouldn’t have driven, I wish I’d been pulled over for that.

I got up around lunchtime the following day and said, “Right I need to head home.”

I messaged her a few times but didn’t hear anything. I presumed she wasn’t interested in me.

Around 12 weeks later she sent me a message. I was at work. “We need to talk urgently,” she wrote.

I sat at my desk reading the words, my heart started fluttering and I just knew what she was going to say.

I went out of the office at lunchtime to call her. She picked up straight away.

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

“Right. How do you know it’s mine?” I asked.

“I don’t know it’s yours,” she replied.

“So, you didn’t know you were pregnant after four weeks or eight weeks but now at 12 weeks you decide to tell me?”

I felt like she’d planned it.

“You need to have a serious think about what you’re doing,” I said. “Think about the ramifications for both of us, long term.”

She hung up.

I didn’t hear anything from her until nine months after my son was born.

A man knocked at the door serving a court order for DNA for child support.

I was sitting at home watching TV with my then partner of nearly two years. She’d relocated to move in with me. We were happy.

I’d mentioned the phone call after my one-night stand and she’d shrugged it off saying, “What kind of woman would do that?”

This guy asked my name and said he was here to serve a court order.

I couldn’t believe it. “This lady is a complete fool …” I started to say.

He cut me off, “If you don’t sign, we’ll seize your assets.”

I signed.

My then partner and I sat on the couch stunned for about five hours. We couldn’t even find the words to talk.

I did the DNA test just before Christmas and had to stew on the results until January 20. The DNA cost me $2,000 plus I paid a lawyer, which cost around $5,000.

The Child Support Agency (CSA) then backdated the child support to the birth of my son. Just like that I was $12,000 out of pocket.

I was left reeling, worried sick, thinking, “How am I going to pay my mortgage and bills plus this?” It was an absolute nightmare.

In the end, I had to rent my place out.

My partner and I moved in with my parents.

I was struggling at work and ended up resigning. Life has been a complete disaster since. Actually, that’s an understatement. My mental health is in a bad way. I have no idea how it will hold up for the next 12 years while I have to pay this.

Why am I paying 100 per cent child support? I haven’t seen him once. A lawyer for the family court charges around $500 per hour. I don’t have that financial capacity. I’m left going round in circles thinking, “Why would somebody do this? What do I owe her?”

The government needs to recognise the impact this is having on men’s lives.